Top 10 Caregiver Resolutions for 2014

This is a guest post written by David Wallace, CEO of Senior Helpers of San Diego

One in three people will be making a New Year’s resolution during that sixty-second descent of the crystal ball in Times Square. In fact, studies show *that those who make resolutions are 10 times more likely to successfully change their behavior.

This year, Senior Helpers, one of the largest in-home care agencies in the nation, is asking all caregivers to make a New Year’s Resolution list and check it twice.

Once that countdown is over, 10,000 people will officially hit senior status each day of the New Year. That means many adult children will suddenly find themselves taking on a new role as caregiver for their aging parent/s. At Senior Helpers, we’re encouraging all caregivers, families and professionals to take a moment of reflection for the New Year and write down their Top 10 Caregiving Resolutions. Something as simple as writing down their goals for the New Year really can help them cope emotionally through this challenging stage in their lives.

Research reveals* that the readiness to change is the single most predictor when it comes to whether your New Year’s resolutions will be successful. Family caregiving has become so mainstream that many Baby Boomers are working an average of more than 20 hours/week OUTSIDE of their normal 40 hour work week. The individual feeling most of this stress is often the middle-aged, eldest daughter, who is also working. If you’re feeling the stresses of caregiving, here are some resolutions Senior Helpers recommends.

Senior Helpers’ Top 10 Caregiving Resolutions: 

1. I am doing my best – no one is perfect – and I won’t allow myself to drown in guilt.
2. Receiving advice from others only makes me stronger, not weaker. It’s okay to ask friends and family, or agencies like Senior Helpers, for guidance.
3. I promise to take care of myself and my health, and to not cancel doctor appointments.
4. I promise to make time for myself, alone. And I won’t hesitate to ask for help to achieve that or feel guilty about it.
5. I will say “no” to requests when I feel my schedule is too full for one more thing.
6. I will always keep in mind that the senior I care for did not choose their illness or disability.
7. I will reach out for help if I feel caregiver burnout or signs of depression.
8. I will make time for my own family members – they’re important too.
9. I will remind myself that the healthier and happier I am as an individual, the better caregiver I will be.
10. If I’m having a tough day, I will slow down, back up and try again.

We believe one of the most important resolutions listed above is for caregivers to not be afraid to reach out for help. Six months into the New Year, only **46% of people are still making good on their promises. Whether you chose an agency like Senior Helpers or an adult day program like the Glenner Centers, we're all here to help give caregivers a break, even if it’s just for a few hours at a time.

David Wallace serves as Vice Chair of the Glenner Memory Care Centers board. He has been an active volunteer with our organization for more than five years, and has had a lifelong journey himself as a caregiver - all four of his grandparents had one form or another of dementia.

For more information on Senior Helpers and to find out more about local in-home care services, visit http://www.seniorhelpers.com/sandiego or call 619-450-4686.

Sources: *American Psychological Association **Yahoo News!, Health Magazine, National Alliance for Caregiving

Taking Care of Aging Parents from a Distance

Sometimes it takes some distance from aging parents to realize how much help they really need.

Many of us have parents and grandparents raised on self-reliance and unwilling to accept help, even when it's painfully obvious in the state of their homes and their health. This may be occurring in your family right now since the holidays are a time for family near and far to gather - or at least check in on each other.

The other week the public radio program Marketplace ran a segment that included a man who tried to manage his parents' finances (and health issues) from afar initially and what it cost him - not just in money but in career advancement. It led to one expert to contribute the following:

There are rules about what we can and cannot tell the children,” said Robert Fross, a partner at Fross & Fross Wealth Management at The Villages, a retirement community in Central Florida.

Mr. Fross says he tries to encourage adult children to meet with him when they visit their parents, particularly if they live far away. He recalled a time when he grew concerned about a woman who was making large and frequent withdrawals from her account without telling him why she needed the money.

“It got to a point where we reached out to her son,” Mr. Fross said. “He jumped on a plane and found out she had given away over $100,000 to a Nigerian scam.”

That was a situation, though, where he was not authorized to talk about the woman’s accounts with her son, so he had to persuade him to come help her without telling him how much money was gone.

The lesson? “If you don’t have an open dialogue with your parents, there aren’t going to be any red flags,” Mr. Fross said. “If you do have an open dialogue, children need to watch basic account valuations.”

Gratitude ... Pass It On

Nothing illustrates the true meaning of the holiday like reading what our participants with memory loss and their caregivers are grateful for in their lives. Times are tough. But taking a moment to reflect on what you do have, not just what you don't, can make all the difference in how you enjoy today, tomorrow and every day after that.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone. And Happy Hannukah to our Jewish friends and family.

7 Holiday Stress Tips for Caregivers

The week we couldn't wait for months ago is now finally here, and now that it is we're maybe feeling overwhelmed (already!) and maybe sad as the holidays arrive, starting with Hannukah on Wednesday and Thanksgiving the following day.

The other week the Alzheimer's Association held a caregiver conference, and coping with holiday stress was among the main topics. We pulled together some of those tips to present here.

1. First and foremost, take care of yourself -- because if you don't, then you can't take care of others as you'd wish. That means trying to get enough sleep (instead of staying up in the wee hours doing holiday-related baking, wrapping, writing, etc.) Stick to a healthful diet (at least as much as you can with all those sweets being set out before you) and do not feel guilty if you need to decline an invitation because your loved one isn't up to a party.

2. Embed "rest periods" into each day. These are the sacred times when you do not let others interfere and so you both can relax. Be flexible in when these times occur.

3. Include the person with dementia in your holiday activities - let them help wrap or bag gifts, open cards together, let them help you bake cookies or turn up the holiday music and sing to your hearts' content.

4. Try to stick to a routine. Routines are important to someone with dementia, and the holidays are a great disrupter. Try to minimize that by scheduling visits when you would normally be most active and not when you typically are not -- like afternoons when a loved one is prone to sundowners.

5. Go easy on the decor. Just like small children and pets, be sure to keep decorations, especially those that mimic food, out of arm's reach. Be especially careful with candles and items on the floor. Know too that blinking lights can cause disorientation. And keep the dinner table as simple as possible.

6. Wear nametags. It might seem silly or even insulting to wear nametags at a traditional family gathering, but if you make a game of it - like everyone personalizing their tags and then discussing the personalization at the dinner table - then it's fun and helps your loved one remember who is seated with them.

7. Make sure everyone understands it's ok to tell a white lie if no one is hurt by it. Guests and long-distance relatives may start to argue with your loved one over a detail from the past or even present, like the number of rolls someone just consumed at the dinner table. Talk to them ahead of time about letting the little things go and the power of redirection to steer a conversation or behavior in a better direction.

Happy Valentine's Day

Sounds of the Holiday

From all of our families to yours, have a wonderful holiday (or just a day off from the usual routines)!

Don't Forget to Vote Today!

Mary Moore at our Hillcrest Center is making sure people know it's Election Day. Be sure to stop by your polling spot or hand-deliver that mail-in ballot by day's end and help decide the future direction of your city, state and country.

From Our Home to Yours

The MedicAlert + Safe Return Program

Almost daily we read reports of someone with Alzheimer's or a related dementia who wandered out the door and is now missing. Many cases involve happy reunions, though some like this case in Detroit do not.

One program we recommend for caregivers to consider is the Alzheimer's Association's MedicAlert + Safe Return program. The George G. Glenner Alzheimer's Family Centers are official registration sites, which means anyone can come to one of our centers and register their loved one for a national database. You can also go online to purchase a MedicAlert ID bracelet or pendent as part of the program.

Once enrolled, a caregiver now has a powerful tool to track down their loved one in the event they are missing. With one call to a toll-free number, an alert is simultaneously sent to multiple agencies, including police and sheriff's deputies. The sooner and more widely spread the alert, the more quickly someone can be found. If the lost person is wearing ID, a citizen or emergency personnel who finds a wanderer can call the same toll-free number on the bracelet or pendant.

"Particularly with the holidays, when we're unusually busy and easily distracted with house guests or tied up with shopping and gift-wrapping, Alzheimer's patients may wander without anyone immediately noticing. The chaos that comes with the holidays can be upsetting to them," said Kelly Focht, CEO of the Glenner's Alzheimer's Family Centers.

She recommends that caregivers make sure any visitors or houseguests understand there is someone at home who may wander; do not assume people will keep an eye on them for you when you're in another room or part of the house. Also, keep doors locked and use home alarms if you can to alert you when a door is opened.

See our previous post on What to Do About Wandering.

More Resources Going to Alzheimer's Cure

As we head into the holiday weekend, we wanted to share a widely circulated article on a Nobel Prize winner's relentless efforts to find a way to slow or halt Alzheimer's Disease. Like many scientists and health care professionals, Dr. Paul Greengard, 84, labors daily to come up with a cure. And like many of those devoted to dementia, he became interested after a family member developed the disease.

Despite a recent major setback by Eli Lilly two weeks ago with an experimental drug, many pharmaceutical companies and university research arms are investing in Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. This is highly encouraging.

In celebration, we salute all of our scientists, social workers, health care professionals, caregivers and volunteers who labor on behalf of families in San Diego County and everywhere to help make journey through Alzheimer's as comfortable as it can be.

Article: Nobel winner offers hope for Alzheimer's